Happy Birthday, Christopher John!

The Man--No Myth--A Legend


Bunch of crazy chicks who drove/flew in from all over to see CC in Seattle in 2007. (I still miss that $500 snowblower, Chris. Just sayin'.)

Tuesday, July 20, a soon-to-be National Holiday, is Chris Cornell's 46th birthday. His family is baking him a personal cake, and another cake will be constructed (according to mother-in-law Toni Karayiannis) that will bear all his fans' names on it. They decided to lay it out flat over western Nevada, for space reasons. Coyotes all over eastern CA and westen NV are drooling already. Too bad you still can't Twitter cake...

So how DO you celebrate the birthday of one of the greatest voices of all time? By posting a picture of his tonsils? (Oh shit, I'm his #2 fan and I don't know if he ever had his tonsils out! Guess that's why Laurie Rosso is still #1. She'll know.) Anyway, no, that would be asinine! I have one t-shirt from Audioslave in which he is represented by a close-up of his throat (golden vocal chords left to the imagination) and even that is idiotic. Chris is who he is because of all of him, from his curly dark mop to his impeccable goatee to his throat to his chest (hang on, I need a second) and arms, to his midsection, to his... okay, I can't do this. Boots--to his boots. 6 feet and 3 inches of Fucking Incredible Humanness, set alive by a booming 4-octave voice and paralyzing blue-green eyes.

He is a powerhouse entertainer on stage (watch your fingers if you're so lucky as to be resting your arms on the stage edge, cuz those boots never stop moving) and a humble, kind man backstage who will sign anything (almost) for you. I have a phone and an iPod with his characteristic fried onion signature on them, covered with clear protective tape, of course. (We don't do this shit halfway, if you haven't figured it out.) I just bought two stickers of his bloomin' signature for my Beetle, and I expect more than a few people to ask me if I'm a huge fried onion fan once they're up.

I'm not, incidentally. I mean, they're okay, but they're no Chris Cornell.

Chris is also well-known as a doting father and all-around family man, thanks to an amazing video put together by his #2 fan (who will remain anonymous) put to the song "Promise," which he co-wrote with Slash. She intended to make it for his birthday but got so absorbed in what she was doing she stayed up all night (on a SCHOOL night, no less!) and finished it for Father's Day. If Toni K. is to be believed--seriously, you would doubt her?!--they all watched it together on Sunday and it "brought many smiles." Wow. I still don't know why they consider the artist behind this masterpiece his #2 fan. Probably because she's just a wee bit scared of his #1...

In case you missed it...

Anyway, the one thing I would want if I possessed the Most Golden Rock and Blues Voice on the Planet would be a complete break from ALL his fans (except maybe #1 and #2). But not so fast. They don't call it stalking for nothing. NO BREAKS!! At this VERY MOMENT his Twitter followers (all 1,477,302 of them) are attempting to make his birthday a trending topic on Twitter. I didn't even know what that meant a month ago, but it has something to do with knocking out the network by posting #HappyBdayChrisCornell as many times as humanly possible. I think the other word for this is spam, but it's all in the name of love. Non-Chris fans (I can't believe that phrase even exists) will just have to suffer from the sight of the unsightly Twitter whale all day July 20--and by that I mean the logo, not #2 in her new swim suit.

No matter how he chooses to spend his day (DO be careful, man) I hope it is the best fucking day he's had in years. I truly do, cuz we're going right back to stalking him as soon as he's done. (Hey, he has his job; we have ours.) We (his fans) are all gearing up for October 8, the day everyone who isn't a lucky fuck that got into Seattle's Nudedragons show gets to see SOUNDGARDEN live for the first time in 13 years at Grant Park in Chicago. It will be a reunion of fans from all over the nation, most of whom met via the Chris Cornell website or on FB. Yeah--he's that powerful. I'm just saying, if he decided to serve Kool-Aid at Lollapalooza (and THAT creepy reference is to prove you are old enough to appreciate him) we would drink it en masse, and with smiles on our faces.

So here's to you, Chris Cornell, for making millions upon millions of lives richer in more ways than I can describe in one lame blog post. We truly love you.

With Steph from TX/The Gulf

With Heidi from Seattle

With Laurie (CA), Angela (WA), me (WI), and Tosh (CA)

I fucking dare you to look this good in your forties.