[A Most Sincere] Petition to be Followed by Chris Cornell on Twitter

I'm the blonde.

A Most Sincere Petition to be Followed by Chris Cornell on Twitter

I can get personal Twitter references from Myles Kennedy, Slash, and Matthew Modine. Hey—I just got started on this Twitter thing, give me some time and I’m SURE I’ll get the Dalai Lama to follow me back.

I am not having a seizure in this picture.

I recently spent 8-10 hours making a video montage of you and your kids to "Promise" for Father's Day, which Toni said she did make you sit through. My own dad got a card and a Begonia. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmhhkO_ToW8

I am 44 years old, super hot, and do not post OMG!!1!!1! I TOTALLY LOVE @CHRISCORNELL AND ALL HIS SONGS!1!! every fucking day. Just on special occasions. I use Twitter to spread awareness about the Gulf catastrophe, social activism, great music, and my Pulitzer Award-winning writing.

I have been a fan since living in Seattle from 1990-96. I remember being embarrassed for Eddie in the video "Hunger Strike" because some long-haired kid with an incredible voice was blowing him away. I didn’t mention it to Eddie when I ran into him on Capitol Hill. (Seemed in bad taste.)

I saved Matt Cameron’s life (possible exaggeration) after Lollapalooza 1996 (Gorge at George, WA) when we ran into each other at a gas station afterwards and he asked if the winds were too dangerous to ride his bike back into Seattle. I said they were but neglected to offer him a ride. Can’t think of everything. Remembered to get an autograph, of course. (Thought it might be his last, you know?)

I sold my $500 snowblower in Oct, 2007 to see/meet you in Seattle at the Paramount. That winter Wisconsin had a record of 101” of snow, all of which I shoveled by hand, thinking of you every single time—not always fondly. I also believe I cracked several ribs by being in the front row at that venue.

My dogs in a lot of fucking snow.

I think Vicky Cornell is THE SHIT. Met her at the Paramount that same night and she was incredibly kind, even though you’d had a scary car accident earlier in the day. Saw Toni K. but didn’t meet her—regret that deeply. LOVED the kids on stage—always will.

I can no longer count how many times I have seen you in concert. SG in Seattle; Euphoria Morning in San Diego; Audioslave multiple times in Phoenix; solo in Minn; Milw several times; Seattle (Did I mention 101” of snow that winter?) and will be braving crowds at Lolla 2010 with your closest core of fans, including your Numero Uno, Laurie Rosso, my Modern Rock Hero.

Super Fans: Heidi, Dolly, Tosh, Steph and Laurie

I can sing every song in your entire catalog—backwards. Okay, I made that up.

I learned to play drums to Matt Cameron to cure an ulcer in grad school. Ulcer cured, Matt’s time signatures never unraveled. (I mean, Wooden Jesus, WTF?) Can play any Audioslave song though. (Did Brad know ANY other grooves?)


Additional references include Robbie Merrill of Godsmack/Another Animal and Whitfield Crane of Another Animal/Ugly Kid Joe

I listen to your entire catalog on my iPod (with a few other artists thrown in) every single work day. And to be honest, I’m getting a little tired of your work, so some new material would be great.

I am possibly your most over-educated fan, having spent 11 years in college. B.A. in Zoology, Middle East History, and M.A. in Arabic Language and Literature. Lived in Cairo for a year in 93-94 and listened to your music the whole time. (Okay, and a little PJ, AIC and Blind Melon…) And I make one-millionth of what you do, which just goes to show that I should have fucking dropped out of H.S. with you, Dave Grohl, and Sully Erna and stuck with the drums.

I write scathing—I mean glowing—reviews of your shows on my blog, FB, etc. One-woman PR team. Every single person in the world who knows me knows who you are. (And is tired of hearing about it.)

In Milwaukee in 2009, thanks to my drunk-ass, red-headed sister, you told me you loved me in front of a packed Pabst Theatre. You made me fucking cry, you bastard. But I forgave you. I was also one of the few adult women that did NOT try and touch your crotch from the front row. I did a little staring, but cut a single woman a break… You also converted my sister to a forever fan that night.


Different show, same sister

I could go on, but even the generous Toni K. stopped reading this after the first few lines, so I’ll stop. In case you are still reading, I will tell you (doesn’t EVERY fan tell you this?) that I deal with severe chronic depression and music is what keeps me going. And my horse. I mean, you’re cool, but my horse is the fucking bomb.

Sincerely,

Nancy Dietrich
@nancydietrich