No end to the irony

I thought you might enjoy seeing the poster I hung in my basement a week or so before the floods. I am happy to report that it retained no water damage. Read more!

Trying to Keep a Positive Altitude

Yes, it is still raining on Harrison Street. My county (Columbia) has been under a flash flood watch or warning since last weekend, and it currently extends through Saturday. I noticed it is not one of the counties which has thus far been declared in a State of Emergency. Looks like my house will have to cascade down a hill of mud and debris to be taken seriously. We're not truly that anxious for that kind of attention.

Watching events unfold from my mile-high perch in Denver, I wonder if there is a way to move my entire house to a mountainside in the Rockies. Then I would only have foraging bears and curious pikas to deal with. It is thunderstorming here at the moment, but my feet have yet to get even slightly damp. They may have to change the old saying, "Location, location, location," to "Elevation, elevation, elevation." Read more!

Luckier than most

Am I the only one who sees the irony in this journalist's surname?

By JOHN SEEWER, Associated Press Writer [Article abbreviated]

FINDLAY, Ohio - Firefighters and a volunteer armada navigated boats through streets awash in waist-deep water Wednesday, plucking neighbors and pets from porches as flooding that has swamped the Upper Midwest and Plains settled in Ohio.

The water forced at least 500 people to flee their homes in several northern Ohio towns. Rising water forced authorities to move about 130 inmates at the county jail in Findlay to a regional prison.
Many neighborhood rescuers showed up with canoes and kayaks wanting to help during Findlay's worst flooding in nearly 100 years. Three men in a fishing boat ferried a mother and her 2-week-old daughter along with the family dogs.

"That was the catch of the day," said Angel Sanchez, the baby's neighbor.

The Blanchard River was 7 feet above flood stage Wednesday at Findlay, the highest since a 1913 flood, and could rise another half-foot or more, the National Weather Service said.

"Reality is starting to set in about just how much damage there is in some of the flooded areas," said Tim Flock, director of the agency.
Gov. Ted Strickland declared states of emergency in nine counties in northwest and north-central Ohio, including Crawford County and Findlay's Hancock County.

The death toll from two storm systems — one that has spanned the Upper Midwest and another from remnants of Tropical Storm Erin in Texas, Oklahoma and Missouri — reached 22 on Tuesday when searchers found the body of a man tangled in a tree near Lewiston, Minn.

Flooding also continued in northern Iowa as thunderstorms dumped more heavy rain across the already water-logged region Wednesday. Three subdivisions along the Des Moines River near Fort Dodge were evacuated, and crews used rocks and sandbags to shore up a levee that had begun to give way, officials said.

The river crested at 14 feet, four feet above flood stage, and began a slow fall by midafternoon to 13.2 feet, said Penny Clayton, a spokeswoman for the city. She warned of additional rain, though.

Thousands of homes were damaged in Wisconsin and Minnesota as the storm swept through. A preliminary survey by the American Red Cross in Minnesota identified about 4,200 affected homes, including 256 complete losses, 338 with major damage and 475 that are still inaccessible, said Kris Eide, the state's director of homeland security and emergency management.

Preliminary damage reports in Wisconsin indicate 30 homes and 25 businesses were destroyed. Another 731 homes and 32 businesses were damaged.

In addition to the confirmed flood-related deaths, a man drowned Sunday in his mother's flooded basement in Iowa after being overcome by carbon monoxide, the state medical examiner's office said. And in Madison, Wis., three people standing at a flooded intersection were apparently electrocuted Wednesday when lightning hit a utility pole, causing a power line to fall in the water, authorities and witnesses said. Read more!

Musings from the Mile High City

Partially gone but not forgotten. Too bad I can't grow shit, because my bass drum would make a killer planter once I return. We already know it retains water well.

A replacement bass drum runs right around the price of a plane ticket to see Cornell in Seattle. The question is, can you have your Chris and beat it, too?

That did not come out right.

It is still blistering hot in Denver. I am reminded of Phoenix, as I plan to bring a towel to drape over my steering wheel tomorrow so I can drive to lunch with more than one finger at a time. I hear there are mountains in the vicinity, but one cannot see them through the city's haze. Rumor has it that if I drive 90 minutes towards that thick grey cloud, I will eventually run into some 14,000 feet mountains. I'll believe it when I see it--literally.

As for wildlife sightings, we have one white-tailed jackrabbit that tested the brakes of my rental on Day One, and a mountain cottontail that sat outside the office windows during a mind-numbing presentation this morning from Schering, which they tried to enliven by bringing in chocolate milk and frosted shortbread cookies. I don't remember what they talked about, but the milk and cookies were somewhat tasty.

All of this I try to focus on as I see from my Wisconsin weather channel that my county is once again under a flash flood warning, as well as a severe thunderstorm warning, which means little SodaPop will be cowering under the bed tonight. I guess as long as she doesn't choose to cower in the basement, we're fine.

I also have reliable reports that my bat has returned. Mom heard someone (?) bouncing off the attic walls as she sat in my office, which has a tightly-fastened door leading to my newly-recognized bat refuge. It's understandable: his regular haunt probably flooded.

Read more!

Public disasters breed compassion; personal disasters breed comedy. Read more!

Nancy's Helpful Homeowner Tips

Or as Chris Cornell sang in Audioslave, “Somedays just ain’t so easy.”


1. If your county has been under a flash flood warning for three consecutive days and at least one of your neighbors has begun construction on an ark then yes, you should start paying attention to your meteorological surroundings.2. If you have recently spent all your life savings to move into a charming 87 year-old Colonial with a basement that does NOT include a sump pump, either buy one immediately or become very talented at the act of hose siphoning. De-humidifiers are nifty appliances that can be very useful for watering the garden, but can only do so much in terms of keeping your basement dry.
3. Be open to the idea that there may be areas outside of New Orleans that are also vulnerable to flooding. This could, in fact, include your town. Do you have that sump pump yet?
4. No doubt when you spent hours going over the new home insurance policy for your charming old Colonial you elected sewage backup insurance. I don’t know why you wouldn’t have, unless perhaps you never lived in a house with indoor plumbing. Or maybe you were, in fact, raised in a house without plumbing and those daily treks to the three-walled outhouse in a foot of snow so stunted your intellectual development that you didn’t even realize this was a vital insurance requirement in today’s modern society.
5. If you own any items that hold value—either monetary or sentimental—choose wisely where you choose to place them. Take, for example, an expensive drum set. Yes, wood floats, but some wood maintains its worth much longer if never exposed to water or, say, raw sewage. Drums would fall into this category.
6. Though this is hardly a cause of concern to you, who I am sure are the proud owner of a sump pump, the general sea-worthiness of your other basic appliances might also be considered when examining the water resistant quotient of your basement. Luckily, if you haven’t gotten around to getting that sump pump yet, you can at least sleep soundly at night knowing that you have that sewage backup insurance. Good job, Homeowner! One would hate to think what might happen if 8-12 inches of disgusting bile immersed the motherboards of your furnace, water heater, washer & dryer, or that damn exercise bike you HAD to have last winter. Not to mention a rockin’ drum set. Oh, what a shame that would be!
7. Neighbors. Neighbors are a two-edged sword. You despise them for the pink pig wind kites they hang on their front porches, but they do often contain valuable information. So, say, should be walking you dogs early one morning and one of your neighbors offers you a salutation consisting of, “So did your damn basement flood, too?” you might consider all the facts before glibly replying that no, your basement is as dry as your niece’s fresh diaper. No need to alienate someone who may later prove to be a good source of hose extensions.
8. Almost hate to add this tip at the expense of sounding condescending, but if you happened to spend more than $100 on a vacuuming device, it would be best stored on the main level of the home. Better an eyesore than another hit to the wallet in case of damage. (But keep that shiny new sump pump in the lower level!)
9. All of these are important considerations, but it also bears noting that one should avoid scheduling travel during times of extreme weather. You can’t reap the benefits of that sump pump (I’m so glad you got that!) if you are not home to plug it in. You know the goddamn cat won’t do it.

As we are all aware (unless you are a policy-maker in the Bush administration) today’s climate is ever-changing. You probably noticed that community glacier has diminished noticeably just in the time that you moved into town. (Yet another reason for that wonderful sump pump you invested in!) That being said, it is only prudent to consider how to proceed should you see the unforeseeable one fine soggy morning.

Imagine, if you even can, that you neglected to insure your domicile against sewage backup—even though the local streets were torn up for construction and sewage system updates at the time of your move-in. Pretend you got so caught up in minor distractions such as not being able to conduct business due to more than a week of AT&T fuck-ups that you forgot to pick up that sump pump. Picture your new hometown as the latest CNN update on unexpected flash flooding. (There you are! Wave to Anderson Cooper!) Think of how you might feel if your prized drum set was indeed set up to rock your neighbors anytime of day or night right in the center of your basement, within a stone’s throw of your washer, dryer and more-than-$100 vacuum cleaner.

Consider the feeling in the pit of your stomach should you wake to discover that 8 or more inches of sewage has indeed killed your furnace and water heater. Your uninsured furnace and water heater. Now imagine your ever-cheerful canine companion chasing you back and forth from the edge of your newly-installed basement swimming pool with a brightly-colored tennis ball she’d love for you to toss for her. Her eyes sparkle with mischief. (Isn’t she adorable?) As you attempt to explain the severity of the situation to her, your other dog is standing hock-deep in sewage, lapping up as much as possible before you can throw a sewage-drenched towel in her direction to interrupt her disgusting new habit.

But why waste the mental energy. You did, after all, get insurance and buy a sump pump.
Right?

If only bats were your worst problem. If that plane you’re about to board for Denver for a last minute, absolutely required business trip doesn’t go down in spectacular flames, I strongly suggest you flush yourself down the toilet at 30,000 feet. There’s no question at this point that it would be the brightest thing you’ve done in the last six weeks. Read more!

Proof Positive Pups Can't Pee Under Plastic Ponchos

SodaPop and Ginger Ale

I haven't had to break out the doggie raingear for more than a year, but tonight was the night. It's been raining since morning, and it's not that dainty Seattle rain, either. This is buckets being collected and subsequently dumped on your oh-so-suspecting head as you stroll under the 100 year-old maples of the neighborhood.

It's also cooler than usual, and I for one didn't want any more damn sinus pain than I have been having, nor did I wish to create two flu-ridden pups as I am about to leave for Denver. I know--being cold and wet does not cause colds. It does, however, make you believe you will catch a cold, and the cold you create for yourself is the very worst of colds.

So I fished out my fleece and rain gear, and found it right alongside the pups' ponchos. Soda was horrified to see those had not made it to Goodwill with the rest of the items I thought we'd never use again. Certainly Soda never intended to use hers again. She cursed herself for not informing me of this sooner.

So, all suited up, we went into the drenched and dreary night. But it was to no avail. We circled the block, jumping streams that had not been there yesterday, and Soda repeatedly ventured out onto lawns as if to do her business. But it was not to be. She would not be convinced that the sky would not fall should she pee in her poncho. Ginger eventually overcame her shyness, but as I dropped Soda's leash (as I often do when we walk because she prefers my company to squirrels and stays by my side, unlike Ginger the Great Squirrel Huntress) she turned tail (I assume, as I could see no tail) and headed for home. Her little yellow hood may have been pulled down over her eyes, but she knew where she was going: home. And nothing would keep her from it.

She could always pee tomorrow. Read more!

Bats in the Belfry

[Icebat--not my bat]

And no, I am not referring to my recent decision to go see Chris Cornell at the historic Paramount Theatre in Seattle on October 3--though that certainly may fall under the same heading.

I am, in fact, referring to my new occupant in the attic, who made a surprise (and I don't think I can emphasize the word "surprise" here strongly enough) appearance this noon hour when I went up to turn on the window fan. I had already adjusted the fan and was examining the floor in search of stray nails from the roofing job when I took a few steps towards the windows, just enjoying the solitude that normally comes with being in one's 90 year-old attic. "Why do I come to my attic?" I was musing to myself. "Because no one knows I am here and it is so peacefu..." Right at this time a bat the size of a small pterodactyl came swooping down erratically into the interior space of the attic from the newly-installed vents.

Trying to keep in mind that I was a zoology major with an inherent love for animals, I tried to focus on the wild blur to see if it was a cute and cuddly sparrow or truly a bat.

Truly, a bat. And truly, it seemed to fly in one ear and out the other. I was ducking and squealing (which I'm sure it enjoyed) as I made my way towards the steps, which I knew were a very quick path towards a broken leg if I took them at a run. I never stopped moving, but I swear that environmentally-friendly creature has a wingspan of 12 inches. It was fucking huge!

The dogs were barking by this time, but were also smart enough to do it from the bottom of the stairs. Whatever I was experiencing, it didn't sound to them like it was something they wanted to get involved in. I stopped at the top step and paused, turning to make sure it wasn't following me. I saw it alight at the apex of the ceiling, by the vent, but I couldn't make it out very well due to the bad lighting. I took my cue and carefully descended the spiral staircase into my office, where I think my dogs were disappointed to see me emerge empty-handed.

My heart is still in my throat. I spent my entire lunch hour reminding myself that animals don't scare me. Animals have never scared me. Perhaps I was merely startled. Right.

And now what? Do I call the roofer and blame him for installing bat doors in my attic? Do I shut Ginger's cat up there with it and see who comes out after 24 hours? Do I call my accountant and ask for a bat tax write-off? Or do I just sell my attic and go see the Foo Fighters in Brighton, U.K.?

How much can one get for used attics these days? And I won't charge you for the bat... Read more!

Amp-Challenged

Okay, so let's call off the dogs from the electric mower company. They're just trying to do their job, people. And it's entirely possible--okay, it is exactly possible--that I tripped a circuit because the outlet on my front porch is a tad outdated.

The switch was tripped in the basement (which I always enter as if I'm doing the dog paddle to clear out all the spiderwebs that appear within minutes of my having cleared them) but I won't have a chance to test my theory until after work.

Yes, I am working. Don't look at me like that. Read more!

Is it just me?

It's uncanny, but I think if Elvis and Priscilla Presley had a kid, she would look just like this woman:
Read more!