Ricky Gervais saved my life

Yesterday, anyway.



Bloody awful day at work. I work in sales, which is very similar to a job I once had at the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle, WA. At that job, I spent my time dodging blood-thirsty hyenas and dangerously spoiled and overfed grizzly bears. The female, Fanny, one once took a swipe at me when my back was to her, and the breeze alone was enough to make me soil my pants and slam by body into the caged front of her brother Ruff's cage. It took at least two minutes before I realized I was leaning against bars that had the same species of bear just two feet behind them. Apparently, I startled Ruff just as much, because when I slowly turned around, he just blinked at me, his entire head filling the dwarf-size cage door. He went on to peel his oranges and shell his peanuts as soon as he determined there would be no show that day. (Fanny successfully mauled a similar volunteer only a short time before.)

After numerous more successful maulings in the sales world over the last few years, I have finally decided I would be safer with the grizzlies. They, at least, pretend to be nothing but a predator. You know exactly what you are dealing with, and so does your boss. In the sales world, your boss is often misled as to the true species of your co-worker, which can lead you into very dangerous situations with no guaranteed outcome.

Following yesterday's mauling, I sought refuge not with another grizzly, but with a DVD of Ricky Gervais' Extras. It was Season Two, Disc Two, and had almost two hours of extra material to try and stem the blood still pouring from my open wounds.

If you have never heard Ricky laugh, you should. It is more electrically-charged than the cry of the hyenas that taunt me at work (zoo or current job) and cauterizes open wounds almost instantly. Very powerful stuff.

Spielberg and Rick Photo by Sarah Shatz

Still actually shaking with anger and unable to get my heart-rate in a normal range by bedtime, I took a Seroquel to make sure I didn't wake up transformed in a werewolf around midnight. Thankfully, the only hair I was covered in when I woke up was that of my own dogs.

First stop this morning was the Internet to look for work. This is such a great time to look for not only a regular job, but a whole new career. The economy is booming with all the federal buy-outs, and gas is finally cheap enough to consider working outside my home. Still can't drive my car in snow (New Beetle) but at this point, I'd be willing to move overseas for work. I hear their economy is booming, too. I already found several security positions open in Athens, which I seriously looking into. Such a romantic place to work...

I did start a little closer to home in my search, though. Pulling up http://www.madison.com/, I typed the keyword "animal" (which meant I didn't have to also type in the word "sales" since it covers both) and hit the search button.

One ad came up--for EXTRAS--and you're going to think I'm making this up. Really, I'm just not that clever. If I were, would I still be in this job?