Friday, January 11, 2008

Sir Edmund Hillary Dies; Hillary Clinton Adopts Name to Boost Sagging Polls


Sir Edmund Hillary (R) and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay smile during their first interview with Reuters special correspondent Peter Jackson after their legendary ascent of Mount Everest in this June 6, 1953 file photo. REUTERS/Peter Jackson/Files

Sir Edmund Hillary, the New Zealander who was the first non-Sherpa to prove that hair products were not necessary to conquer Mount Everest, died yesterday at the age of 88 of a heart attack. This apparently came on the heels of an announcement by Hillary Clinton that she would be adding the moniker "Edmund" to her name to signify the magnitude of her battle for the Democratic presidential nomination. According to Edmund Hillary Clinton, "Sir Hillary, though it had a finer ring to it, seemed inappropriate. Still, my new name will be a perfect representation of that great summit women have yet to achieve--Mount White House."

In tribute to the much-revered human mountain goat, Edmund Hillary Clinton has vowed that the first act she will undertake upon her election will be to plant a commemorative flag with her own hands
on the front lawn of the White House.

"I'm thinking something along the lines of ,'Yes, Sir, Edmund Hillary Rodham Clinton is the first woman to scale The Hill. The rest of you can take your ball(s) and go home!'"

Chelsea Edmund Jefferson Rodham Clinton intends to TIVO the event for her TIVO-impaired mother.




Bush's response was predictably puerile.




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